Blurry
by simplecrafter
Summary: Clare is emotionally depressed and alone and sees a therapist. When she recommends Clare opens up to someone who feels the same,Eli. A friendship instantly sparks between them.
1. Chapter 1

**New story, I was kind of personally typing this and made it into a story**

"I don't know what it is, I just feel depressed all the time. I mean is this normal? Wishing I was dead."

"A lot of teens experience this; it is normal among people your age. What triggers you to feel depressed?"

"Sometimes when I'm just sitting around and I don't know it just happens randomly. I just feel so alone sometimes. And I know this may sound stupid but sometimes I feel if I had a boyfriend things would be better."

"You shouldn't need a boyfriend complete you."

"I know but I still feel if I had someone who actually cared about me, I would be normal."

"Your parents, friends…?"

"My parents divorced so they take turns in the house, no one is fully there to help me through it all. And I barely have any friends. My best friend goes to another school so I have no one and it's killing me. I hate being on my own. I just don't my point in existing anymore."

"You can't put yourself down every time something doesn't go your way. Consider meeting new people, getting involved in activities to see where you can go from there."

Clare and sighed and nodded, "Thank you."

"No problem, same time next week?" Her therapist asked.

Clare nodded and escorted her therapist out her house. Clare Edwards had been seeing a therapist since she was 14. This was even before her parents split, this was when KC broke it off with her, her first boyfriend. Of course it was heartbreaking in the beginning but she got over it. But after a while, realizing she didn't have him anymore, anyone to cuddle or kiss made her feel alone. It's not something you talk about with your parents and since Darcy was in Africa, she had no one to vent to. Alli had become her outlet until her plenty screw ups led her to another school, another person drifting away from Clare. When she was 17, which she is now, earlier that year her parents split. They moved out in separate homes, leaving the home for Clare only. Her parents would visit on and off to make sure their daughter was okay. Once her parents left, she realized she was truly alone. Was it coincidence that everyone who loved her was leaving or did it just happen because her life sucked?

Every time she thought about why she was so alone and never got an answer, it terrified her and bothered her to the point where she needed an outlet. She needed something to make her feel okay again. The therapist was definitely helping her but it was not enough. About 2 months ago, is when she started hurting herself. She was scared and hesitant knowing she could die, but she wanted to try it to see if it would help her feel less alone. She used scissors since they were easy access and slit her wrist. It was painful but she didn't stop. She needed some way to let out her frustration and anger and that seemed to be the only way.

Two months later she is still hurting herself and no one has seemed to find out. She had been seeing her therapist since the divorce and every visit gets better but not enough for her to feel better about herself.

Her cell phone ringtone interrupted her angst memories and she picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Clare, Its Ms. Henderson, I have someone I want you to meet. He is suffering from the same thing you are, feeling alone and I was thinking maybe if you two met up, talking maybe you would at least have someone to vent to who understands you, how does that sound?"

"Uhm I appreciate it, I really do but I'd rather not."

"Clare I really think this might help you. You guys can meet twice if you guys feel uncomfortable with each other you don't have to talk again, but I really didn't think this would work and it would help if you gave it a try."

Clare paused for a while wondering if she would make a mistake by accepting the offer but if anything it could make her better, "Sure, when?" She answered.

"How's tomorrow? Would you prefer to come down to my office or to your house?"

"Uhm my house if that's okay. I don't really feel like leaving."

"Yeah perfectly fine, I'll let you know tomorrow when we're coming. Have a good evening."

"You too." She hung up the phone and lied down on the bed, feeling a bit of happiness that she could speak to someone who understood her, maybe for once she could actually have a long lasting person in life.

_Only if wishing was all it took_

XXXXXXX

Clare heard a door bell ring downstairs and knew it was Ms. Henderson. She walked downstairs, took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hi, how are you?" Ms. Henderson asked.

"I'm okay, you?"

"I'm doing well, Clare this is Eli."

She awkwardly waved, "Hi."

"Hi." He awkwardly smiled back.

They walked in and sat on the couch. "I know you guys aren't really ones to spark conversation but if you guys talk you will understand you two aren't that different and it can help….with your loneliness."

"I'll step outside for a bit if you guys want to talk on your own. I'll come back in about 10 minutes." Ms. Henderson stepped out of Clare's front door leaving the two teens to spark a conversation.

"Why do you feel alone?" Clare blurted out.

Eli looked up at her questioning her bluntness, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt about it…I'm just….asking."

"It's fine." He held his head down staring at his tangled fingers, "I'm just really different from other people so they don't bother to befriend me therefore I am alone. And I don't bother to make friends because I know I'll only get rejected. My parents are there for me but it's not enough. I just have a negative look at everything and I just hate myself."

Clare nodded and swallowed the lump on her throat.

"What about you?" He asked looking up at her, moving his bangs out of her face.

"Everyone I love always seems to get away somehow, I don't know if has to do with me or just the bad luck I have but I just don't like who I am and I can't really do anything about. I don't have friends or anything so that's why I got a therapist. To see if there's an actual reason for my depression."

"Do you think there's something wrong you?"

"I do, Ms. Henderson keeps telling me there isn't but I just do. I get angry easily, I get depressed at the most random times. I just don't believe this is normal, it can't be."

Eli nodded, "You're definitely not alone if that makes you feel better."

She hesitantly nodded and wiped the tears away with a thumb that trailed down during her venting. The door opening interrupted their gazes, "Are you guys okay?"

They both nodded not giving verbal responses.

Their therapist sat down, "How are you guys feeling?"

"Still the same." Eli responded. "But it's good to know that I know someone who is going through the same thing I guess."

Clare weakly smiled and nodded. "Okay you guys can exchange numbers if you want and Eli, your parents said they wanted you home by 6."

Eli nodded and took out his phone handing it in to Clare to punch her digits into it. Once exchanging numbers, they were on their way.

"I'll see you around." Eli said.

Clare nodded and waved as she closed the door behind her.

**Should I keep going? I probably wont, I don't know how I feel about it. I might leave it here unless you guys want me to keep writing this. And give me ideas for other storylines PLEASE**


	2. Chapter 2

**I realized I forgot to mention theyre kind of OOC , but its not in a bad way at least I don't think but enjoy and thanks for the reviews.**

It was the last period and Clare sat in Pre-Calc with her giant gray hoodie on with her hood up. She had the headphone buds in her ear not really paying attention to the lesson considering everything was pretty simple to her. As she was going through the music list on her phone, she felt it vibrate and a message icon pop up. She clicked on it and saw it from Eli.

She weakly smiled to herself and opened it,

_Hey, I was wondering can we hang out at the park today? I need someone to vent to if that's okay with you :/_

_Eli_

She didn't have anything planned like always so she quickly responded with a _Sure, what time?_

_Is right after school okay? _

_Eli_

_Yup that's fine ,and bad boy texting during class._

_Clare_

_I can say the same for you. _

_Eli_

She smiled and bothered to respond, she chose her song of interest, tugged her hoodie up more to cover herself and leaned against the wall, waiting for the bell to ring.

XXXX

Clare was walking to meet up with Eli in the park. There was only one major park in that neighborhood so she knew exactly where to head to.

She waited patiently sitting against a tree until she heard a low voice speak up, "Hey."

She looked up and saw it was Eli, "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm alright and you?" He asked sitting down.

"I'm okay." She said, taking the earphones out of her ear and stuffing it in her hoodie pocket.

"What happened today that you needed to vent?" She lowly asked in hope of comforting him.

"It's not a big thing, I don't know why I freaked but I just tried making a friend today, it was a girl and I just thought it would be easier to be friends with a girl. She completely rejected me thinking I was hitting on her saying 'go for someone your own type emo boy.' I don't understand how they judge me when they don't even know me." He said tugging his hair, clenching his jaw.

"Eli, calm down." She said pulling his hands from his hair.

"Do you know why she would act like that?" He asked.

"Well maybe she's so used to guys hitting on her that every guy that comes up to her, she thinks is trying to get with her. And as for her being rude and judgemental, that's probably just who she is. "

He nodded, "Anything happened today with you?"

"Not really, I don't try to talk to people so I don't get hurt. I don't bother to put in the effort anymore. I' have you to talk to so that's enough for me."

Eli nodded in response, "When's the next time you are going to see Ms. H?"

"Saturday I believe."

"Mind if I accompany you?"

"Nope,not at all." She smiled.

"Okay, I'm gonna head home now, See you Saturday Clare."

"Bye Eli."

XXXX

Clare was lying stomach down on her bed, roaming her laptop that night. She was listening to music clicking on random videos here and there that the website recommended. She clicked on one and instantly fell in love, the name being _When she cries by Britt Nicole._ The song only made her feel more depressed at the status of her life. She grabbed her scissors out of the draw and went back on her bed.

She pulled her sleeves up and looked at the already fading scars. She was planning on getting better but she was slowly backtracking. She bit her lip and she put pressure on her wrist with the interior of the scissors and slowly slid it across, a tear falling down her cheek.

_She fights to find her way…..She hides and tries to pray_

The tears continued to pour down her face as she slit her wrist again, putting more pressure on it, being careful not to cut too deep.

_Maybe making me bleed will be answer that could wash the slate clean_

She wiped her tears slitting her wrist once more before throwing the scissors across the room. She grabbed her hand towel and held it on her wrist, pressing down lightly on it. She closed the laptop and lied down on her bed.

_She wonders why, does anyone hear her when she cries_

She wiped her tears some more, made sure the bleeding stopped before pulling her sleeves back down to cover the scars. She cuddled in her huge, cold blanket and her eyes fluttered closed into a deep sleep.

XXXXX Saturday.

They had another session was Ms. Henderson that day. They vented about different things happening that week that frustrated them or added on to their loneliness or hate for themselves. Clare still hadn't told Ms. H about her cutting. Though she desperately wanted to, to get help; she wasn't comfortable enough to share her deepest secret. But she needed help and she knew it.

Eli was still in her house after Ms. H left.

"Can I show you something?" She asked.

"Sure." He said. She took a deep breath, got up from the couch and walked upstairs to her bedroom. Eli awkwardly sat down on her bed and Clare retrieved the scissors from her draw. She sat down and showed him them.

"Uhm why are you giving me scissors?" He questioned.

She point to the bit of blood on the scissors to see if he would get the hint.

He looked at the blood and back at her, "You cut?"

Unshed tears filled her ocean blue eyes and she nodded.

He put the scissors back on her desk and sat back down on the bed, "Why did you tell me that?"

"I just thought maybe you'd understand. I'm sorry for even showing you." She said and wiped the tears building up in her eyes.

"It's fine, I just-its nice to know someone trust me enough to tell me that. Does Ms. H know?"

Clare shook her head, "I don't know why, I just can't tell her. My body won't let me."

"You really should because that's really dangerous. How long have you been?"

"The beginning of the year, when my parents divorced."

Eli nodded and hesitantly took her hand. He used the other hand and began to slowly lift up her sleeve until she quickly pulled her arm back, "What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to see it."

She shook her head and let the tears that had been forming for the past two minutes fall down her face.

"Please." He asked.

"Why? So you can judge me? Tell me how disgusting and useless I am? How I can die? I already know that so I don't need to hear the lecture from you." She yelled, now standing up at the point.

"Clare, sit down." He said at a lower whisper. She shook her head and began to pace the room, tugging her hands through her curls.

Eli sighed and stood up lifting his sleeves fully up, to reveal his arm to her.

"Clare, look at me."

"Leave me alone." She said.

"Clare, please." She looked at him, wiped her tears that had blurred her vision and looked at him, "What?"

He moved closer to her and showed her his scars which were right below the bend of his arm. She looked at it and looked back up at him, back down at the scars.

"Why do you do it so high up?" She questioned.

"Because my wrist would be really obvious, at least I think so, so I don't do it there."

She nodded, "How you long have you been doing it?"

"Since last year." She nodded and sat back down on her bed, "I'm really sorry."

"Its okay, and as you can see I don't think it's disgusting and I don't think you're useless."

She nodded and took a deep breath, "Can I show you a song I found?"

"Sure."

She grabbed her laptop and went through her itunes, "This was the song I listened to when I last did it."

He nodded and waited for her to look for the song. She clicked on it and they sat back on her bed, listening to the song.

As the song was coming to an end Eli commented, "I don't listen to music like that but it's a really good song, I see why you like it."

She nodded, "I like it a lot."

"But shouldn't it make you not want to cut?"

"I know but it doesn't."

He nodded and closed her laptop, placing it on the floor next to her bed. "I know I'm being a hypocrite but I don't care, but when you do it you have to make sure you don't cut too deep."

"I know that, but there's no way for me to really know."

"You can feel when you're going too deep, just please be careful. I can't lose my only friend."

She nodded, "You should be careful too."

He nodded in response, "I know. I'm gonna head home tomorrow, tomorrow do you want to like go hang out. We can go out to eat or karoke or something, I just really need to get my mind off a lot, is that okay?"

"Yeah that sounds fun, just let me know what time and I'll come."

Eli nodded and got off the bed walking to the door, "Be safe." He advised referring to her weaknesses.

She faintly smiled and nodded, "You too."

**Next chapter they're going to hang out and theres a big secret next chapter coming out for one of them. Review**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I kind of completely changed what I said about the last chapter. But yeah hope its still good and theres no big secret btw**

Clare patiently waited on the couch for Eli. She was wearing black skinny jeans, a short sleeve blue v neck with bracelets covering her secrets. He said he had a car and would be picking her up in a bit. She heard the bell rang and got up to get.

"Hi."

"Ready?"

She nodded and followed him to his car.

"Uhm you drive a hearse?"

"Yeah, is that fine?" He asked.

"Uhm yeah, its cool I guess." She hopped in the passenger seat as he drove off.

"Where are we going exactly?"

"Wonderland."

"I haven't been there since I was like two."

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked.

"No its good, I'm excited. I haven't been there in so long." Eli smirked and drove off.

XXXXX

They had spent the whole day in Wonderland. They both liked roller coasters so that was a plus but Clare wasn't very fond of upside down rides. After Eli constantly did some begging and pleading, she went on and surprisingly enjoyed it. They scoffed down about four cotton candies and were on their way back.

"I had a really good time today, thank you."

"No problem, so did I. I haven't had this much in a very, very long time."

"Me either."

Eli finally arrived outside of her house and walked her to the door.

"Thanks again for today."

He nodded and smiled taking her in a hug.

"I'll see you later."

She nodded and walked inside her house, up to her room.

XXXXX

Clare was meeting Eli at the neighborhood park again just for the sake of not having something else to do. She saw him sitting on the bench and made her over to him, "Hi Eli."

"Hey, I have a surprise for you."

"Uh, what is it."

He walked over to her side and sat down. He pulled something out of his leather jacket and it was a box. Clare looked at him weirdly questioning it.

He opened it and showed her, "Do you like it?"

It was a guitar pic necklace similar to the one he had. She smiled and took it out of the box. She looked at the engraving.

_Clare and Eli_

_Best Friends_

She looked up at him and smiled, "Thank you."

He pulled his necklace out of his shirt revealing his matching necklace, "I got mines engraved too."

She smiled and gave it to him, "Can you put it on for me?"

"Yeah, sure." He moved her hair and clasped it on her neck and gave her the now empty box.

"We're cool." Eli smirked.

"I must say we are pretty dashing." She joked.

"I want you to know how much it means to me that you're being so nice and I just I appreciate it so much."

He smirked at her, "And thank you for being my friend. You know since we've been hanging out, I've stopped. Ya know…cutting."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know that if I actually do cut too deep and die that someone will actually care and I don't want to hurt you."

She smiled up at him with big blue eyes, "You care about me a lot, thank you. And I would be devastated if I did lose you."

"Well that's not happening." She smiled and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "You're amazing."

"So are you." He smiled at her and moved into her, kissing the corner of her mouth.

She looked up to him and blushed, "Lets go best friend, we have some cutting utensils to throw out."

Eli laughed as they made their way back to her house.

**This was really bad. But I really don't want to continue this so I'm ending it here. I just started Count Your Blessings and I like that so I'm gonna try to focus on that, I apologize if you was looking forward to it, but I don't have an interest in writing it anymore. Thanks for reading anyway**


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